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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26127292">bloom later</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ksyy/pseuds/ksyy'>ksyy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Amnesia, Car Accidents, Cute, Cute Ending, Feelings Realization, Light Angst, M/M, Sickfic, Songfic, Temporary Amnesia, Tsukkiyama Week, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:00:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,811</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26127292</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ksyy/pseuds/ksyy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tsukishima always took his friendship with Tadashi for granted. For him, it didn't matter if they were friends or not, for him things would remain the same.</p>
<p>It was until one day, when Tadashi is in the hospital because he had a car accident, Kei notices how wrong he was to think he didn't care.</p>
<p>Until, weeks later when Yamaguchi wakes up from his come, he notices how he needs him in his lie.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tsukishima Kei &amp; Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>127</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>TsukkiYama Week 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>bloom later</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hinako is Tadashi's mother, Takahiro is his father</p>
<p>hope you like it!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
  <p>Tsukishima was always told that he was a cruel person and someone who didn't truly like anyone. That he would die alone if he didn't change, that he would be on his own for the rest of his life. And even if Yamaguchi was always warned about the type of person Tsukishima was, he never left his side. In fact, he tried harder to be his friend, and although he didn't show it, or didn't want to show it, Kei cared for those he loved. Even if just a little bit.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>But he didn't know how to deal with feelings. He didn't know how to deal with himself.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>And maybe that was the reason why he always took his friendship with Yamaguchi for granted. He liked Tadashi, obviously, but just enough to let him stay around. Yamaguchi knew when to approach, when to go away, he respected Tsukishima's space and never forced him to talk if he didn't want to. He was the perfect person to be Kei's friend because sometimes he read the blonde better than himself. But it was nothing more than just a partnership, he would say. A temporary one. Tadashi stayed with him so he wouldn't be alone and bullied, Tsukishima let him stay so he would have at least one friend to talk about the things he liked. And he knew it would eventually end, that someday he would have to go away, that he wouldn't be able to stay like how they were.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>However, the thought of Tadashi leaving him instead never crossed his mind.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>And when Yamaguchi entered High School and started to get more friends, get more confidence and was strong enough to stand out by himself and his skills, Kei was shocked. He never pitied nor thought of Tadashi as inferior to him, he knew well that he was capable of doing many things. What shocked him was that he was motivated by himself <em>alone</em>. Kei didn't get a part in it, he just watched Tadashi running ahead of him while he needed to catch his breath. He was left behind. But yet, Tadashi didn't leave his side. Even with many new friends, being popular and not bullied, he stayed. Kei thought he was stupid for doing it because he could do much better if he left, but he kept quiet and let him. He wouldn't bother warning him, it wasn't his business.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Later, he discovered he didn't say it because he was afraid of being alone. Of being left by Yamaguchi.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>At that time, he didn't put much thought into it. He didn't really care if Tadashi was there or not, for him it would make no difference. He was okay with him by his side, but he was okay on his own too. Friends weren't that important to him, anyway. Yamaguchi was just another passer-by on his life. One that stayed longer than the others. He truly believed it.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>And it all changed on a certain night when he was studying for a test, and his brother entered his room, his eyes wide and worried.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"What?" he said, annoyed that he interrupted his studies.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Kei... It's... It's Yamaguchi..." he started, searching for words.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"He's calling this late?" he asked.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"No, it's not..." he sighed "Ugh, look. His mother called. He's at the hospital, under surgery..."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Tsukishima didn't know exactly when he did it, but he stood up from his desk.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"What?" his voice was high pitched, shaky from his irregular breath.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"He was hit by a car when he was going back home from buying some things. We're visiting him tomorrow..."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I'm not waiting until tomorrow. I will go now!" he shouted, grabbing his things.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Why was he so worried? Weren't he the one who believed that someday they would be apart and he thought he was ready for it whenever it happened? </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>So why the idea of losing Tadashi was enough to make him want to cry?</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Kei, you can't." his mother said, entering the room probably due to his shouting "It's too late and you have school tomorrow. There's a test, right?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He wanted to punch something, anything. Usually, he wouldn't even consider the possibility of missing a test, but it was Tadashi he was talking about. It was for Tadashi. He gritted his teeth, taking a deep breath.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Okay" he lied.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He waited for his brother and mother to leave the room. Then pretended to be asleep for some minutes. When he heard them finally going to their rooms, he took his cellphone, his wallet, and put casual clothes. Trying to be as quiet as he could, he opened the window and went to the hospital, running way too fast.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>What was he worried for? Yamaguchi wouldn't die. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Would he? </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>What if he died?</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Tsukishima couldn't even think properly about these questions, it made his head hurt and his chest tighten. He wasn't even able to imagine how bad he would feel if Tadashi died. He got distracted and tripped over his feet, getting up right away. His mind was racing, his heart beating like crazy. The oxygen around him was almost inexistent, his heart beating like crazy, his hands shaking on the wheel. What ifs playing on repeat, the guilt for not spending as much time as he could with Yamaguchi, the regret for the mean things he said to him during their friendship, the fear of losing him. What if he was late? Late for what? What was he even thinking? He should concentrate on getting there quickly.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He was relieved when he finally arrived at the hospital, searching for Tadashi's mother. She sat on a chair, her hands covering her face while she cried. Tadashi's father hugged her and cried on her shoulder. Suddenly, Kei wanted to cry too. But he didn't. Tadashi would be okay, he was sure.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mrs. Yamaguchi turned her head and saw him standing there, not saying a single word.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Kei?" Hinako said "Shouldn't you be at..."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Where's..." he interrupted her, his throat dry "Where's... Yamaguchi?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>She sighed, closing her eyes as a single tear slipped down her chin.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"He's still under surgery. They got some complications, the doctor said."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Will he be fine?" he asked almost desperate, cleaning his throat right after to pretend nothing happened.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Hinako sat again, letting out a shaky breath.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"We don't know. They didn't tell us anything because the surgery was urgent."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Tsukishima wobbled until he reached a chair and sat too.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>So there was a chance that Tadashi could die.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He cried. Tears were coming from his eyes, but he didn't make a sound. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>But wasn't he the one who always said that would be ready whenever the day they would be set apart came? So why was he crying?</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>In fact, who was he trying to fool? He wasn't even able to imagine how a life without his best friend would be like. He only said that he didn't care because he pretended he didn't. He wanted to believe that, but it wasn't the reality. Actually, he cared too much.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>More than he should.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He slept like that. The next morning, he didn't go to school and sent a message to his mother saying where he was. Hinako said that Yamaguchi's surgery was finished and he was alive, Tsukishima felt a weight leaving his shoulder, letting out the breath he didn't even know he was holding. But his relief was short, because she told him he didn't wake up and that he probably would be in a coma.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He didn't care at first, he thought that after a week or so he would wake up and things would go back to how they were. Every day after school, he went to the hospital and stayed by the bedside, waiting. Every day, he didn't think of anything at all, only Tadashi. He didn't go to practice, nor paid attention to his classes. His mind always drove him to the fact that something was missing, not about Yamaguchi, but himself. He wasn't like that usually, he was so distracted that on the way home he often turned around to talk to someone, just to see an empty space. He hoped this space wouldn't remain that way for too long.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Then, the week ended. Tadashi didn't wake up, and things definitely didn't go back to how they were before. Then another week passed, and a new fear took over Kei.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>What if Tadashi never wakes up? </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He read about patients that get in a coma and stay like that for years. They grow old but their minds stay the same. And the worse was that nobody knew how or why someone would get in a coma. It was unpredictable.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Nobody knew if Yamaguchi would wake up the next morning or the next year.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>To think that he could stay like that, deadly silent, without the smile he had on his face, how his voice would remain quiet in his throat and Kei wouldn't hear any "Tsukki!" for so long. It felt like Tadashi died, but he didn't. He was alive and by his side, sleeping peacefully as he used to do during their sleepovers. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The next two weeks were terrible for Tsukishima. He refused to go to practice for a long time, but eventually his team dragged him back against his will, and the fact that there wasn't any "Tsukki"s nor any "Nice one!" said by Tadashi's voice made it unbearable quiet. The chair by his side on class now was occupied by a random girl, who Kei didn't bother remembering the name, and that was being so obvious flirtatious it made him angry at her. Besides, that wasn't her chair. That was Tadashi's. Why was she there? Yamaguchi would go back soon, right? </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>His teammates asked for the freckled boy, and Kei said he was sick at first, but as time passed and Tadashi didn't wake up he had to tell them about the accident, and that he was in a coma. The mood was bad, everyone was worried. That made Kei feel worse because the thought of Tadashi not waking up was starting to become a reality in his head every time he went to the hospital after practice and saw him covered in bandages, machines all around and his eyes closed. It was scary because it didn't suit him. Because Tadashi was the bright type of person, the type who definitely shouldn't be laying on a hospital bed.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Tsukishima never felt so lonely before. It was weird, seeing how he actually missed Yamaguchi, how he needed him by his side so he could call it a normal day. Now, all of his days felt like there was lacking something.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>To think he used to believe he would be okay if Tadashi left his life someday, now he called his past self stupid for believing such a thing.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>It was a Friday when Tsukishima entered the same hospital room after two weeks, sat there and read his book. Sometimes he would look over to see how Tadashi was, just to realize he was still sleeping. But that day, the room didn't remain quiet all the time. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Ugh..." Kei heard, and when he looked at the bed, he saw Yamaguchi trying to get up.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He dashed to the corridor, calling the nurses. He called Hinako, who was working, to tell her that she should come over. He wanted to see Tadashi, but the nurses didn't let him in for some minutes. When they left, there was a serious look on their faces.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Tsukishima-san, come here, please." one of them said. He followed her to Tadashi's room.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>When the brown eyes fell over him, he expected a "Tsukki!", or a smile, or a laugh, a surprised face. Anything, any reaction. But instead, he received nothing. Tadashi's face was blank as he looked to him. Not even a single sign of reaction.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Tsukishima would have been angry if the nurse didn't interrupt his thoughts.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Yamaguchi, do you know him?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Kei was about to say how stupid that question was when he noticed Tadashi squinting his eyes, staring at him. His face was confused.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I'm sorry, but... who are you?" he said, his voice raspy.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Kei let his book fall. He was in shock.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"It's me, Yamaguchi!" he almost shouted "We're friends! Best friends!" </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>There was a pause before anyone said anything again.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I'm really sorry... I can't remember anything about you at all..." he looked away.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Yamaguchi!" Tsukishima called, but the nurse made him get out of the room. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He couldn't go in again until they authorized.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He held the hope that the freckled boy would remember soon, the same way he thought that he would wake up the next morning after the surgery. Maybe he was a fool to keep pretending everything would be fine when he clearly didn't know if it truly would.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p><em>Who are you?</em>, the words echoed in his head. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Later that night, he was told that Tadashi had amnesia. He remembered his parents, his high school friends, the things he learned at school, the things he liked, even the movies.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>But he forgot about his childhood. And about Kei.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <em>Who are you?</em>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>How the fuck did Tadashi forget about him, of all people? Why him, his best friend? How was he supposed to accept the fact that he forgot about him, out of nowhere?</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>It hurt more than it should, and he didn't know why.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He didn't stay to talk to Tadashi again after he was authorized to enter the room. He went straight home.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Tsukishima thought a lot about what to do after that day. Should he go there again? Should he wait until Tadashi remembered him? Would Tadashi remember him, anyway? What if he forgot him completely? The idea made a shiver go down his spine. Hinako called him and said that the doctors suggested Tsukishima tell Tadashi more about his childhood, as well as Hinako and Takahiro were doing too. It wasn't much effective, but sometimes had a reaction and memories would come back. Kei accepted it right away.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Now he was in front of the room, letting out a deep breath before opening the door to see Tadashi drawing in his old sketchbook. The scene was so common, and yet new for Kei. He remembered even how to draw, but not even a single memory about him.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>When he opened the door, Yamaguchi turned his head and looked at him. They didn't say anything, just looking at each other for some time.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Umm..." Tadashi mumbled, embarrassed "You... you can sit here." he pointed to the chair next to the bed he was in.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Oh. Right." Tsukishima said, sitting on the chair.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He should say something, but his mind went blank. Completely empty. Not even a single word formed.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"They said you would tell me about the things I don't remember." he seemed nervous "You're... Tsukishima Kei, right?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Yeah." </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The only thing they could hear was the sound of the machines by Tadashi's side. The silence was awkward, but Kei didn't do anything to change it. It was so strange, being uncomfortable around Yamaguchi when he was the person he felt the safest with. Maybe if he-</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Wait. What did he think?</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Did he feel safe with Tadashi?</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Look, I'm... sorry, I think?" Yamaguchi started again, and Tsukishima cursed himself because he should be the one talking and he was just silent "Everyone I talked with asked about you. Mom, dad, everyone from Karasuno, all of them said "What about Tsukishima? Do you remember him?" and I feel bad because you seem to be important, no, you are important, I know it somehow, but I can't remember anything about you and it's frustrating and..."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Tadashi." Kei interrupted, grabbing his hand in the air to catch his attention and make him look at him. "Don't feel bad about it. It's not your fault."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"But..."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"No. You'll remember everything and it'll be fine, don't worry." he said, trying to be the most reassuring he could.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Not even he believed that. But the smile Tadashi gave him made it worth it.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"If you say then." he laughed.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>They remained silent again. This time Tsukishima was going to say something, anything, just to end that silence again, but Tadashi said first.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"So... how did we meet?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>It was funny how even if he didn't remember, he still was the one who talked the most between them. The one who always started the conversation because he knew Kei was too much of an introvert to do it. Tsukishima sighed, thinking of what to say. He would have to tell things from his perspective, and honestly, he didn't know if he was able to do it and not get too emotional and end up saying something he shouldn't.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>What exactly shouldn't he say? That he cared about Tadashi?</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You were bullied at school. And one day when I was going home I saw you and the bullies, then said some things to them and they went away." he said, looking at his shoes.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Why was he trying to hide something like that? And from who? </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Oh, you helped me then. That's so cool!" Tadashi smiled.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cool.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Tsukishima could think of a lot of things he was. Rude, intelligent, lazy, anything but not cool. But it was still Yamaguchi, after all. Some things never change, even when they hurt.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Then you were so grateful that kept following me around the school and we ended up being friends. We only had each other, so I think that's why I never pushed you away."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>There. There it is. Too emotional, Kei. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"What do you mean?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You didn't have any friends besides me, I never even bothered to make any friends. We... helped each other, I guess." he tried to fix.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Tsukishima was waiting for another question but received nothing. When he looked at Tadashi, he was sad. How stupid Kei could be to say he only thought of their friendship as a "little help"?</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"But." he started out of nowhere, surprising Tadashi and himself "But... you became too important and in no time we were best friends and did everything together. It was really nice... to have you around."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He could have let the "too important" part out of it, but it still slipped. He should just open up to what he was feeling and stop pretending he was the cold person who didn't care about his friend. If he didn't, he wouldn't be there, and he wouldn't have headaches every day just for thinking about Tadashi. It was obvious he cared.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I have the feeling that you are very important to me too, Tsukki" Yamaguchi smiled.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Tsukki.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Did you remember?" he said surprised, his hopes getting higher.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Ah, no. It's just that somehow I know that I call you Tsukki. It seems familiar. Maybe you don't like it?" he asked, worried.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"No, it's fine." Kei said, looking at the window. For some reason, he couldn't look at Tadashi for much time without feeling weird "You can call me like that." he mumbled.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Then, what did we used to do?" Tadashi asked, his smile never fading.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Tsukishima sat beside Yamaguchi's bed, took his cellphone and showed him some photos while telling about how Tadashi liked stars and Kei dinosaurs, and they ended up liking both so they could do what they liked together. He told about the museums and stargazings they went, the documentaries they watched, the stars that shine in the dark on Tadashi's walls, and the dinosaurs on Tsukishima's that they put together. He said how both of them liked volleyball so they played together sometimes, and the paintings and drawings Tadashi did and always impressed Kei. When he realized, it was late night already. He was still talking when he felt a weight on his shoulder, and it was Yamaguchi's head. He was sleeping, probably because of the medication he had minutes before, and Kei didn't want to go home. The feeling of his head resting on his shoulder, his hair prickling his face, it all made him feel warm. Safe. For once, in all those weeks, he didn't feel restless, time could stop right there while he rested his head on Tadashi's.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>But, why?</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Maybe he was too clingy now that he almost lost him, maybe he was finally waking up to himself and noticing what he tried to hide for so long. What was it exactly? He didn't know. Or he didn't want to know.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He slept just like that. Good thing the next morning he didn't have class.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>It had been a month since Tsukishima started telling Tadashi about their childhood, hoping he would remember something, anything.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Nothing happened.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Tadashi went home after he recovered from the surgery but couldn't go to school, and Kei, besides going to his house to keep telling him some stories, now taught him what was taught at school. The last weeks were weird. Yamaguchi was different, he still didn't remember him, but at the same time, he was the same. He kept calling him Tsukki even if he didn't remember, and it felt as of they became best friends again. Tadashi was acting much more freely than before the accident, and Tsukishima was worried that Yamaguchi used to hold himself around him. It made him sad when he realized it made sense. Maybe the way he never once said how he cared and cherished their friendship, how he wanted to have Tadashi with him, was the reason for it. Yamaguchi was much more quieter the last months before the accident than when they were in middle school. And it was all Kei's fault.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>If he could, he would make things different. He would be a better friend.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Friend. Sometimes, that word didn't suit him right. He didn't know why, though.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Tsukki, which is this formula?" Tadashi asked, making him pay attention to what he was doing.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"It's the one on page 45, Yama." he said while he was writing in his notebook.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>There wasn't any "Thank you, Tsukki!" and that was suspicious. Kei looked up at Yamaguchi to see him totally flustered.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cute.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Wh... what?" Tsukishima felt his face get hotter at the sight.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"It's just that... uh... Yama?" he smiled nervously.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>That smile. Sometimes Tsukishima wished he could kiss that smile, but he always suppressed those thoughts.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Ugh..." Kei mumbled, trying to make the thought go away "It's just that you're always the one who comes up with nicknames, I wanted to try too."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I liked it. Say again." Tadashi was so excited, Tsukishima couldn't say no to him like that.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Yama." he said, awkward.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Yamaguchi laughed. Since when did he start to notice the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed?</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"That's cool, Tsukki. But you still didn't explain this formula." he pointed to the book.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>There, while explaining the formula for Tadashi, Kei noticed what was that feeling that kept bugging him for some time when he was with Tadashi. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He was in love with his best friend.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>For more time than he thought. Maybe he was in love with him since the moment they met, or maybe was it in middle school when he started to notice something strange and began his "I don't need Tadashi" act. He failed, but the thought never left his mind. In high school, it came back, and he used that to distance himself from Yamaguchi as the feeling grew stronger. He was too scared of his feelings to admit that he loved him, scared of getting hurt, and ended up hurting Tadashi.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Now, what would he do with these feelings? Bury them deep down so they wouldn't bother him? Confess? But Yamaguchi didn't even remember him. He chose the first option, the easiest one. The less risky.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He was a coward.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He was at Tadashi's bed, waiting for his sleep to come. He decided to sleep there after he taught him math that day and it was late, and now was pretending to be asleep while Yamaguchi was taking his shower. Kei did his best not to think about him and the freckled boy sleeping together on the same bed, but the thought didn't leave his head for even a moment. He closed his eyes when he heard the door open, not wanting to deal with his feelings and knowing he would say something he shouldn't while talking to Yamaguchi.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Tsukki?" a sleepy voice came from the other side of the bed.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He didn't answer. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe as slow as he could, although his heart was racing when Tadashi lied on his side.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You're sleeping, right?" he asked again. Kei didn't answer.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Yamaguchi let out a sigh.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I remember, Tsukki. I'm sorry for lying." he whispered "I love you so much, it just makes me afraid that if I fell you, maybe you'll go away... again." his voice was almost dying, but Kei heard it clearly, as well as the sobs right after.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>What the fuck?</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Tadashi remembered? And he didn't tell him because he was scared that he would go away... again? He was so confused, so relieved, and angry. Why was he crying? Was it his fault? </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Did he say "I love you so much"?</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Good night, Tsukki" he mumbled, turning to the opposite side, but Kei grabbed his hand and could feel that Tadashi flinched.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Why would I go away?" he asked, not knowing how he had the courage to.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Tadashi got up immediately, almost falling out of the bed, but Kei held his hand.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Kei?" he said, surprised "What... How much did you hear? Weren't you sleeping!" </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Yamaguchi, do you really remember?" he got up too, looking at him.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Tadashi started to cry. The view made Kei's heart tighten.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I do."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Why... didn't you tell me?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You didn't want to be with me before the accident." he sobbed "We were distancing ourselves... it always felt like I was the only one who cared about our friendship..." he covered his face with his hands "And then, when I woke up at the hospital, you seemed like such a cool person, going there every day, telling me stories, it all made me happy to know you cared about me even if I didn't remember a single thing about you." </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Tadashi..." </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"But then I remembered." he interrupted "And you were totally different from before. I thought that maybe it was my fault, so if I stayed quiet and keep pretending I didn't remember, we could stay like that and you wouldn't go away, I was scared, I'm sorry Tsukki, I really..."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Tsukishima hugged him, putting his head on his shoulder while he cried. It was his fault. He couldn't change what he did, but he could be different now.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I'm the one who should be saying "I'm sorry" here. And I'm sorry for pushing you away, Yama. I... There's this... Ugh..." he couldn't even explain what he was feeling, how pathetic.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"That's okay, Tsukki." he laughed between the tears "I wouldn't want to be around myself, too."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Hey." Kei held his face with both hands, looking directly at his eyes "It's not about you, it's about me. I'm the one who couldn't accept I cared so much about you and tried to distance myself so the feeling would go away, but it didn't!" he just noticed what he said a moment later "No, I mean..." he sighed "What did you mean with "I love you so much?" he was looking down now, unable to hold his gaze.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"That I like you, Tsukki..." he said after some time "I've liked you for... a long time." </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He never thought of Tadashi liking him back. He couldn't help but smile to himself.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"What a coincidence, then." he looked up at Yamaguchi, who was confused about what he just said.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"What?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Tsukishima held his face with his hands, caressing his cheeks and wiping away the tears. Then, he leaned in, closing the distance between them and touching his lips, salty and wet. But even so, it was the sweetest thing he ever tasted, and he didn't know how much he wanted that kiss until he could feel Tadashi's mouth on his own and how he felt happy there, holding him under the moonlight.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I love you, too."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>They laughed and hugged right there, not remembering why they were sad moments before.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He was so blinded by the brightness that Tadashi had whenever he was around him, that he only noticed how much he needed him once he almost lost it.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>But Kei needed Yamaguchi to live. He wasn't himself if he wasn't around him. The days weren't the same if he didn't have Tadashi by his side.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Because he was his sun, and every season he needed him to keep growing.</p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>welp </p>
<p>hope this was good lol</p>
<p>i struggled a lot to write this because at first it was a very veryyyy dramatic past-canon, where they had a fight and kei approaches him while Tadashi doesn't remember what happened</p>
<p>but it would be too long so I gave up right away. maybe i'll write it in the future</p>
<p>and pls if you liked this, check my other fics!! I'll be posting all the prompts, hopefully. follow me on twitter too @luliyts</p></blockquote></div></div>
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